Category Archives: Uncategorized

How To Pick Up Absolutely Any Girl You Want.

Looks. Confidence is key. Any real relationship connoisseur knows the longest lasting romances are based entirely on what you look like. Factors such as hair, length of hair, hair thickness, eye symmetry, calf roundness, belly button depth, shoulderblade pointedness, and … Continue reading

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30 Minutes ‘Til The World Ends. 30 Minutes Until…It’s Time For Work.

30 minutes ‘til it happens. 30 minutes before my whole world collapses and chaos begins. 30 minutes until work.

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Always Make Sure To Have Your Phone In Public Because How Else Will You Properly Avoid Eye Contact With Strangers?

Just a nice, long ride up the elevator to the 110th floor. What a pleasant ride this is, right? Just me, myself and my thoughts. No other humans. This silky smooth jazz in my ears. Ahh, time to get my-OH … Continue reading

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It’s Hard To Shave While Driving…But That’s Why God Made It So Toes Curl Perfectly Around Steering Wheels.

Got my slurpee. Got my chili dog. Got my Sociology textbook to study on the way to class. Now just time to merge into traffic.

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The Tale Of The Mall Food Court Is The Best Place To Acquire a New Disease For My Collection.

Humans have one particular cultural tradition unlike any other species in the world. We gather in crowded places, mingle with complete strangers, and then we sneeze on each other.

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The Tale Of That Guy Who Thinks He Needs To Answer Every Question In Class.

The worst thing about a college social sciences class is not that tests aren’t multiple choice, or the materials are hard, or the fact that you’re teacher constantly confronts you with topics discussing your own mortality. It’s that one kid … Continue reading

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Whoa Death, Slow Down. Just Cause I Know Who You Are Doesn’t Mean I’m Looking For a Date.

This is not the tale of “Society sucks so I made a funny story”. This is the tale of the near-death experience. When you’re not in a relationship you get hit on by all kinds. I’m not talking a guy … Continue reading

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