Tag Archives: fiction

The Tale Of The Oral Surgeon Is Taking Shots and Smoking Before He Plucks My Wisdom Teeth. Rut Roh.

You look back on your childhood and remember all those times you got cash for teeth. Nostalgically you reminisce about the gap toothed smile, putting your teeth in a jar, making little tribal aboriginal necklaces out of your kid molars. … Continue reading

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I Smell Leather, and Baskets, and That Guy’s Ketchup-stained Slipknot Shirt Almost Matches His Grease Ponytail. Yeah, I’m at a Flea Market.

I’m a really positive person. I only hate a couple things in this life. I hate crinkling potato chip bags. I hate Pea coats. I hate people who pop the collars on their pea coats. I hate the way people … Continue reading

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The Tale Of Let Me Just Stand In This Aisle For Seven Hours And Buy Absolutely Nothing.

There’s only one thing worse than having customers in your place of business. Lingerers. The lingerer. A soulless beast who picks things up and puts them on other shelves, a Golem long known to spend hours in front of a … Continue reading

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I’ll Love You Forever, Rose… Unless I Survive This Death Cruise and Get Stuck With You.

Do you know what happens if Jack never slips off that piece of plywood and popsicles into a cold, frozen death? This is what goes down. Marriage.

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The Tale Of How Media Outlets Choose Their Stories

What’s the most important thing that happens in the course of a day? A man throws himself in the street to save a child from death by vehicle. Nope. On his death bed a dying man for the first time … Continue reading

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Tale of the Ex-Girlfriend Friend Request

What is this juicy treasure upon the glaring white luminescence of my Facebook home page? A little red blip on my radar. Is it…could it be…a friend request? Wah-ching. Instant confidence boost. Click me! Click me! It bursts with enthusiasm, … Continue reading

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