Tag Archives: funny
Twas a bitter wintry afternoon, bright and brilliant in its bleakness. Not a breeze stirred in the barren foliage. All the animals of the forest were cuddled deep in their winter hobbit-holes, making little snoring chitter chatters as they spooned … Continue reading
Blizzard outside? Time To Call Delivery, Offer Them A Bunch Of Money I don’t Have, And See Who Crashes on the Way Here.
Oh, there’s a Nor’easter outside? Guess I should probably call every food delivery service in the city, offer them a 300 dollar tip, and see who can get to my house first without crashing.
Be prepared. Carry needles. Standing on a crowded city street waiting for those walking balls of sickness to infect you with their disgusting people diseases? Look at them, just walking around like they don’t know what they’re doing. … Continue reading
Remind them that you are just settling and you could leave them at any time. Tell them about your independence and how good it feels to be a loner, bur you’re just currently carrying some extra “baggage”. Emphasize your statements … Continue reading
In a world filled with lesser important problems such as disease and genocide, it’s sometimes hard to get people to yank their heads away from the headlines and notice what’s really important in their life. You. Here’s a few simple … Continue reading
Looks. Confidence is key. Any real relationship connoisseur knows the longest lasting romances are based entirely on what you look like. Factors such as hair, length of hair, hair thickness, eye symmetry, calf roundness, belly button depth, shoulderblade pointedness, and … Continue reading
It’s Hard To Shave While Driving…But That’s Why God Made It So Toes Curl Perfectly Around Steering Wheels.
Got my slurpee. Got my chili dog. Got my Sociology textbook to study on the way to class. Now just time to merge into traffic.
The worst thing about a college social sciences class is not that tests aren’t multiple choice, or the materials are hard, or the fact that you’re teacher constantly confronts you with topics discussing your own mortality. It’s that one kid … Continue reading