Tag Archives: life

Whoa Death, Slow Down. Just Cause I Know Who You Are Doesn’t Mean I’m Looking For a Date.

This is not the tale of “Society sucks so I made a funny story”. This is the tale of the near-death experience. When you’re not in a relationship you get hit on by all kinds. I’m not talking a guy … Continue reading

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Remember the Ice Cream Truck Man? Bet You Don’t Remember His Cigarette Ash-dangle and Grease ‘Stache.

One of the fondest childhood memories is the simple euphoric joy of hearing that chimy jingle rumble down your suburban block. The ice cream man. His glorious white truck of milky vanilla goodness glints in the early evening sunlight. His … Continue reading

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Remember That Time We Shamelessly Slaughtered an Entire Nation of People? Yeah, me either.

As a nation of rich history, enduring grit and humble perseverance, we’ve got a lot to be proud of. We came over here, fiercely battled for our independence, settled millions of acres of beautiful, uninhabited land. Because that’s how it … Continue reading

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The Tale Of The Oral Surgeon Is Taking Shots and Smoking Before He Plucks My Wisdom Teeth. Rut Roh.

You look back on your childhood and remember all those times you got cash for teeth. Nostalgically you reminisce about the gap toothed smile, putting your teeth in a jar, making little tribal aboriginal necklaces out of your kid molars. … Continue reading

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The Tale Of Let Me Just Stand In This Aisle For Seven Hours And Buy Absolutely Nothing.

There’s only one thing worse than having customers in your place of business. Lingerers. The lingerer. A soulless beast who picks things up and puts them on other shelves, a Golem long known to spend hours in front of a … Continue reading

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Tale of the Ex-Girlfriend Friend Request

What is this juicy treasure upon the glaring white luminescence of my Facebook home page? A little red blip on my radar. Is it…could it be…a friend request? Wah-ching. Instant confidence boost. Click me! Click me! It bursts with enthusiasm, … Continue reading

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